The Universal Language of Zert

Zert comes in so many different flavors and colors. It’s hard not to love it, especially when you’re a kid. My grandmother used to take us to Thrifty’s long before it became Rite Aid and buy us each a scoop of ice cream. We tried mocha, praline, malted crunch, rainbow sherbet and strawberry. You name it we tried it. We’d even sampled each other’s zert.

5 Ways To Tell If A Preschooler Is Living In Your House

Mommisms

Mommisms are things your mother said a million times until one day they popped out of your mouth while you were ranting at your kids. For example:

Building Moral Character is Nothing To Sniff At

Well, it finally happened. One of my kids has outsmarted me when it comes to eating vegetables. The two-year old, demonstrating sheer brilliance on his part, now surpasses his older siblings in weaseling out of eating healthy foods. To be blunt, he shoves veggies up his nose and there is no way I'm paying the bucks to take him to the emergency room to have kernels of corn extracted from his wee brain. Even though that would make a GREAT column.

Exodus from Toddlerhood

Now it came to pass in the time of Autumn that this Child of mine was taken off the List of Waiting and accepteth unto the Private School of Nursery.

When Dressing a Toddler, Lighten Up, Mom

Dear Mom,

I know you mean well, but I respectfully disagree with your choice in clothing.

Unsolved Mysteries

What’s Furry And Smells Like Toothpaste? Answer: One of our cats.

If you guessed correctly, then I know you are the parent of at least one toddler and you have my sympathy.

Women’s Clothes Come In Assorted Flavors

In my never-to-end battle of the bulge, I thought I’d browse through some clothing catalogs. I thought I could inspire myself to stick to my diet with the promise of new clothes when I reach my weight goal.

The Hapless Homemaker – Not A Perfect 10

My homemaking skills are not what they could be. Thanks to the women’s movement, when I was a child one did not waste time on domestic skills. Add to that my own tomboy distaste for the domestic arts (like sewing) and you have one hapless homemaker as a result.

Counting Cracks

If you step on a crack, you’ll break your mother’s back. Do you remember this old
rhyme?